“Just Following Orders”: When Alienating Parents Blame the Professionals.

Why compliance with court-sanctioned abuse is not a defense, it’s a shared crime.

Imagine this:

A child breaks her arm. The parent rushes her to the doctor.

But instead of setting the bone, the doctor says:

“Her arm is too damaged. I’m going to cut off her leg instead. Hold her down.”

And the parent does.

She holds the child down, hears her scream, watches her suffer. Later, when questioned, the parent says:

“I was just following the doctor’s recommendation.”

Does that make her innocent?

Of course not.

She was there. She knew. She helped.

This Is What Happens in Family Court, Every Day

When alienating parents tear a child away from the other parent under the guidance of a GAL, a therapist, or a custody evaluator, they often justify it the same way:

“I was just doing what the professionals told me.”

“They said the child shouldn’t go.”

“They advised against visits.”

But compliance with harm, especially when you know it’s harm, is not absolution.

It’s participation.

You Knew What You Were Doing

You knew your child cried after visits, not because they were scared, but because they missed their other parent.

You knew your child loved them, until you started talking.

You knew the child wasn’t in danger, but the professional’s recommendation gave you cover.

And you used it.

You told the story in a way that made the alienated parent sound unstable.

You encouraged the child to express fear and loyalty at the same time.

You said, “It’s out of my hands now,” when the court weaponized your bias.

But it was never truly out of your hands.

Because you were the one holding the knife.

When Professionals Enable Abuse

Yes, some professionals get it wrong.

Some are lazy, corrupt, untrained, or driven by outdated models.

Some court-appointed experts absolutely fail the child.

But even when the professionals fail, the alienating parent still has a choice.

• Do you speak up when your child is being emotionally severed from their parent?

  
  

• Do you question recommendations that erase relationships instead of repair them?

  
  

• Do you model truth, balance, and openness, or blind obedience to whatever serves you?

Too often, the alienating parent chooses silence. Or worse, they celebrate it.

And then, when the child grows up broken, confused, and angry, they say: “It wasn’t me. I was just following the expert’s advice.”

As if that makes it okay.

Let’s Be Clear:

• If you help a system harm your child, you are not a bystander.

  
  

• If you let the courts strip away love, safety, and truth, without resistance, you are not innocent.

  
  

• If you weaponize the recommendations of professionals to further alienate your child from their other parent, you are not just a parent. You are a perpetrator.

The Real Professionals Know Better

Healthy professionals don’t:

• Punish a child by cutting off a parent

• Encourage loyalty to one adult at the expense of the other

  
  

• Reward rejection

  
  

• Pathologize love

  
  

• Prescribe abandonment

They know that what children need, what they grieve for, is access to both parents, when safe and appropriate.

If your professional doesn’t understand that, and you go along with them anyway, you are still responsible for what your child loses.

What You Could Have Said

• “This doesn’t feel right. My child deserves both parents.”

  
  

• “I won’t support complete estrangement without evidence of danger.”

  
  

• “I want healing, not division.”

But you didn’t say those things.

You said:

“They told me to.”

And your child paid the price.

It’s Never Too Late to Own Your Part

Maybe you were confused.

Maybe you were hurting.

Maybe you didn’t fully understand what you were participating in.

But now you do.

And here’s the truth that matters most:

You don’t get to be innocent just because someone else signed the order. But you can be honest now.

You can help your child piece together the truth.

You can stop blaming the experts and start facing the mirror.

Because your child doesn’t need perfect parents.

They need accountable ones.