Since You Made Me Feel Like I Was In Control of Something I Shouldn't Have Been, Now I Carry Guilt I Should Never Have Had To Bear.

When you made me believe I was in control of something I never should have been, you handed me a burden that wasn’t mine.

You called it “choice.”

You called it “comfort.”

You called it “safety.”

But it was never really about me.

It was about control, yours.

And survival, mine.

Children of parental alienation are often praised for being “mature for their age.” But what most people don’t see is the cost of that forced maturity. Behind every “strong” child is one who’s been made to choose between loyalty and love.

When you put me in that position, I thought I was powerful, like I had a say in which parent I could trust or talk to. But what you really did was strip me of innocence and hand me responsibility for your pain.

I didn’t understand that your version of “truth” came with conditions. That your love required alignment. That your approval depended on compliance.

You Made Me Believe I Had to Protect You You cried, you hinted, you warned, and I internalized it all. You told me things that weren’t mine to hold.

You used me as your comfort, your ally, your proof that you were right.

So I defended you. I rejected my other parent.

I said things I didn’t mean. And you smiled when I did, as if my words validated your pain. But those words cost me more than you’ll ever know.

Now I carry the guilt of things I didn’t cause.

The guilt of hating a parent who only ever wanted to love me. The guilt of believing I was protecting you when really, I was protecting your lie.

Children like me grow up eventually. We start to see the patterns. We read the emails, the court orders, the texts. We realize we were never in control, we were being controlled. And then the guilt deepens, not just for the years we lost, but for the part we unknowingly played.

I didn’t need to be your protector.

I didn’t need to be your ally.

I didn’t need to choose sides.

I needed you to love me enough not to weaponize my loyalty. To respect my right to love both of my parents. To let me be a child, not a pawn in your pain.

For Every Child Living This Now, You are not responsible for the conflict between your parents.

You are not responsible for the lies you were told.

You are not responsible for the love that was taken from you. And the guilt you feel, that heavy, silent, relentless guilt, was never yours to bear.

Parental alienation doesn’t just steal relationships; it rewires reality. It convinces children that rejecting love is an act of loyalty. But truth has a way of resurfacing, and when it does, it reveals not only what was taken, but who taught them to feel ashamed for wanting it.

“To my alienating parent, you made me feel powerful, when really, I was being controlled. Now I carry guilt I never should have known.”