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“Sometimes we both just feel hopeless and that we are letting her down when she deserves to be happy loved and at peace”

My step daughter was taken in CPS custody due to bio mother neglecting her by leaving her in a care of someone she barely knew. My husband at the time was considered a non respondent(meaning it wasn’t his fault that she was taken) but because his mother told the social worker that he has a intellectual disability he was not able to raise the child.

My husband has mild retardation but does not stop him from completing daily task. He has a full time job and a volunteer firefighter who serves his community.

Grandmother of the child wanted her grandchild for herself and gave my husband the impression that once my husband got his own place his daughter will be released to him. Him and I got our own place and because I became very attached to my daughter the grandmother started telling my husband that he can only see his daughter at her house.

This is when we started filing for custody. Because the court felt like the grandparents were better caretakers they convinced my husband to sign for kinship guardianship. We filed and he was granted temporary visitation with the recommendation of taking parenting and drug and alcohol evaluation which he did both and no concerns were found.

Went back months later and he was granted permanent visitation even though we asked for custody. As the years went the grandmother caused nothing but drama from calling my job and trying to get me fired, message friends on social media starting drama, physically attacking my husband, making threats of violence, threats of her going to terminate his rights.

We finally got fed up and went back to court years later to file for custody and we were suppose to go to trial and they wanted to settle with joint custody between my daughters father and the grandparents with them have physical custody.

Now the bio mom moved to Florida for most of my daughter life and per court agreement she is allowed to speak virtually to my daughter. When she did fly to visit grandmother would only allow a hour visit. As of recent the bio mom has moved to NY to establish a relationship with her daughter it still hasn’t been easy.

The grandmother refuses to let my daughter speak to bio mom in her house and has threaten my daughter to hit her if she found out she did. Grandmother made my husband block and delete her contact info on her iPad. In my household we allow her to have that connection and bond even though many years was missed. We absolutely do not speak negative about grandparents to my daughter who is now 8 years old. I been in her life for 7.5 years and my daughter is smart enough to know who’s toxic in her life.

I’ve had 2 CPS calls placed on me both unfounded. The grandparents can barely afford any of their bills but still want to keep my daughter till an adult. Grandma is keeping this child for her own emotional and financial needs. My daughter tells me constantly she is fed up living there and how grandma doesn’t love her and always mean to her. Even then I still tell her grandma does love you and loves you different unfortunately and still should be respected.

As my daughter was growing up it became a HUGE issue if she called me mommy to the point where grandmother lied and told her lawyer that I force my daughter to call me mommy. I would get calls from my husbands family telling me to keep the peace and tell my daughter not to call me mommy meanwhile her bio mother wasn’t actively in the picture and I refused and told them my daughter is going to call me what she’s comfortable calling me.

All these years of abuse and PTSD and the courts do not care the damage the grandparents have caused us and the child. My husband sometimes doesn’t even want to go back because he feels what’s the point they don’t see him capable to raising his child because they feel like taking her away will do more damage then good. Sometimes we both just feel hopeless and that we are letting her down when she deserves to be happy loved and at peace



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