"I'm Not An Alienating Mother I'm A Protective Mother"

Parental alienation rarely comes wrapped in honesty. Instead, it disguises itself under buzzwords: “protective,” “cautious,” “safe.” The meme says it best, “I’m not an alienating mother, I’m a protective mother.” But look closer, and the contradictions spill out.

A truly protective parent monitors all risky behavior: phone use, social media exposure, late nights, alcohol, unsafe friends, unsupervised parties. They set boundaries across the board, not just when it comes to the other parent.

Alienating parents, however, flip the script. They often let everything slide except communication with the targeted parent. They’ll ignore dangerous behavior but police one thing with an iron fist: text messages, calls, or time with dad.

That’s not protection. That’s control. Take a look at the pattern: No oversight on phones, unless it’s deleting messages from the other parent. No problem with risky social media, but they panic at the thought of kids smiling in a photo with the alienated parent. No curfew, no supervision, but they micromanage and interrogate any attempt at a relationship with the other side of the family. It’s not about protecting the child. It’s about protecting the narrative.

Kids aren’t stupid. They see the double standard: “Mom lets me drink with friends, but freaks out if I text Dad.” That creates confusion, guilt, and warped loyalties. Over time, children internalize that love for one parent is forbidden, while risky behavior is tolerated, neglect wrapped in manipulation.

When a parent claims alienation is really “protection,” it’s usually a cover story. True protection is consistent. True protection sets standards for safety across all areas of a child’s life. Selective “protection” aimed only at cutting off a parent isn’t safety, it’s sabotage.

Family courts and professionals need to stop swallowing the “protective parent” excuse without asking the harder question: Protective of what? The child, or their own control?