Who Decides if a Parent is Deserving?

Who Decides if a Parent Is “Deserving”?

When it comes to parental alienation, the most dangerous myth is the idea that some parents are “deserving” of their children and some are not. You see it in casual comments online, like the one that says, “Not every parent is deserving of their children.”

It sounds simple. It sounds righteous. But it’s a loaded statement that flips the entire foundation of family law upside down.

The Law Is Clear: Parents Don’t Earn Their Kids

In the United States, the law doesn’t hand out children as trophies for “good behavior.” Parenting isn’t a prize, it’s a fundamental constitutional right. Unless a parent is proven unfit through clear and convincing evidence (abuse, neglect, abandonment), they have the right to raise their child. Period.

Saying a parent must be “deserving” makes it sound like the burden is on them to prove their worth. That’s not how rights work. We don’t strip away constitutional freedoms based on someone’s feelings, gossip, or popularity.

The Real Question: Do Children Deserve Their Parents? Flip the script. If you’re willing to say some parents don’t deserve their kids, you’re also saying some kids don’t deserve access to one of their parents. That’s cruel. Children aren’t pawns in a moral ranking system. They need love, stability, and connection with both parents whenever possible.

Alienators weaponize the “deserving” myth. They point at the other parent and say, “See? They don’t deserve the child.” And suddenly, without due process, a child loses half their family. That’s not protection, it’s abuse dressed up as virtue.

When “Deserving” Becomes Dangerous, It gives GALs, therapists, and courts unchecked power to gatekeep children’s relationships. It excuses alienating parents who sabotage the bond with the other parent. It normalizes the idea that one person, or one system, can override a child’s right to both parents based on opinion, not fact.

The question isn’t, “Does this parent deserve their child?” The real question is, “Does this child deserve to be denied a parent without evidence of danger?”

Because every time the system leans on the “deserving parent” myth, it punishes the child most of all.