Kids Don’t Hate Without Help

“My Kids Don’t Want to See Their Dads Because They Know Their Dad is a Coward Who Hurt Their Mom.”

It’s a story we’ve been told over and over again:

“If a dad really cared, he wouldn’t have hurt the mom in the first place.”

“If the child doesn’t want to see him, he must deserve it.”

“The child is protecting themselves.”

But what if that’s not the whole story?

What if what we’re calling “protection” is really persuasion?

What if what we’re calling “a child’s choice” is actually a child’s loyalty conflict?

💔 KIDS DON’T HATE WITHOUT HELP

No child wakes up one day and says:

“I love my dad, but I think I’ll never speak to him again because of what he did to my mom.”

That language comes from somewhere. And most of the time, it comes from an adult feeding them that narrative.

And yes, sometimes dads do wrong things.

And so do moms.

Sometimes kids reject a parent because they’re genuinely hurt.

But more often in parental alienation cases, they reject a parent because they’ve been taught to.

They’ve been told:

“He ruined my life.”

“He never cared about us.”

“If you love him, you’re betraying me.”

“You can’t trust him.”

And what does a child do in that moment?

They pick the parent who controls their world.

They push away the one who no longer has power.

When we tell children, “Your dad doesn’t deserve you,”

You aren’t protecting them, you’re teaching them:

Love is conditional.

Forgiveness isn’t an option.

People are disposable when they disappoint you.

And that’s a cycle they’ll carry into every future relationship.

Yes, some dads make mistakes. But some dads spent their entire marriage sacrificing everything, only to have the story rewritten when they left.

Some dads never abused anyone. They just refused to stay silent in the face of control.

Some dads spent thousands fighting just to be present at school events, birthdays, and graduations, only to be told they’re selfish for asking.

Instead of telling children:

“Your dad is a coward who hurt your mom.”

We should be telling them:

“Your parents struggled. But your story with your dad is still yours to write.”

No court order, no therapist, and no angry parent should take that away.

A dad’s absence doesn’t always mean guilt.

Sometimes it means exhaustion.

Sometimes it means heartbreak.

Sometimes it means the system made it impossible for him to be there without causing the child more pain.

If we want to protect children, we stop teaching them to hate.

We stop teaching them that loving both parents is betrayal.

And we start teaching them that families are messy, but love is still possible.

If you’re a parent going through this:

Don’t give up. Your child needs your love, even if they don’t know it yet.

If you’re someone who believes the lie that dads who are gone are cowards:

Look deeper. The real cowards are the ones who made sure that dad didn’t stand a chance.