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Manipulative tactic used by an alienating parent to create mistrust, resentment, and emotional distance between the child and the targeted parent.


The manipulative tactic used by an alienating parent to create mistrust, resentment, and emotional distance between the child and the targeted parent. This involves sending messages or texts to the targeted parent, often with provocative or guilt-inducing language, and then showing these messages to the child (or twisting their meaning) to make the child believe the targeted parent does not care for or love them. Here are some examples of how this tactic might play out:


1. Manipulating Texts to Create Emotional Pain


Message Sent to the Targeted Parent:


“You never even say you’re proud of your child’s achievements. They deserve more love and support from you.”


Shown to the Child as Evidence:


• The alienating parent shows the child this message, saying: “See, I had to remind your mom/dad to be proud of you because they don’t even care enough to say it themselves.”


Child’s Reaction: The child feels hurt, believing the targeted parent is indifferent to their accomplishments.


2. Twisting Neutral or Positive Responses

Message Sent to the Targeted Parent:


“You missed the game again. Don’t you care about what your child is doing?”


Twisting the Response:


• The targeted parent replies: “I wasn’t able to attend because of work, but I’ll try to make it next time.”


• The alienating parent shows the reply to the child, saying: “Your dad/mom said they don’t have time for you because they’re always working. They don’t prioritize you.”


Child’s Reaction: The child feels abandoned and unimportant to the targeted parent.


3. Falsely Accusing the Targeted Parent of Lack of Love


Message Sent to the Targeted Parent:


“You never say you love [Child]. They need to hear that from you, but I guess you don’t feel that way.”


Letting the Child Read the Message:


• The alienating parent allows the child to see the message, implying: “I had to tell your mom/dad to say they love you because they don’t think about it on their own.”


Child’s Reaction: The child doubts the targeted parent’s love, feeling unworthy or rejected.


4. Provoking Anger to Create Negative Responses


Message Sent to the Targeted Parent:


“You don’t even care about spending time with [Child]. You haven’t tried hard enough to see them.”


Baiting an Emotional Response:


• The targeted parent, frustrated, replies: “You’re making it impossible for me to see them with all your interference!”


• The alienating parent shows the child the message, saying: “Your dad/mom is blaming me instead of fighting for you. They don’t even want to try.”


Child’s Reaction: The child feels like they aren’t worth the effort.


5. Fabricating or Twisting Messages


Creating False Messages:


• The alienating parent may invent or alter text messages to make it seem like the targeted parent said something hurtful.


• Example:


• The alienating parent creates a fake message: “I don’t have time to deal with [Child’s] problems.”


• They show it to the child, saying: “Your mom/dad sent this. See? They think you’re a burden.”


Child’s Reaction:


• The child feels deeply hurt and betrayed, not realizing the message was fabricated.


6. Highlighting Non-Personalized Communication


Message Sent to the Targeted Parent:


• The alienating parent provokes: “Why don’t you ever check in on [Child]? They notice you don’t send messages.”


Exploiting Generic Replies:


• The targeted parent responds: “I’ll call later this week.”


• The alienating parent shows the child the reply, saying: “See? They can’t even bother to send you a personal message. They don’t care enough to talk directly to you.”


Child’s Reaction: The child feels neglected and undervalued.


7. Using Guilt-Inducing Messages


Message Sent to the Targeted Parent:


“You didn’t even call [Child] on their birthday. I had to make excuses for you.”


Framing the Targeted Parent as Uncaring:


• The alienating parent shows the message to the child, saying: “I reminded your dad/mom about your birthday, but they still didn’t bother to call.”


Child’s Reaction: The child feels unimportant and unloved.


8. Using Messages to Make the Child Feel Like a Burden


Message Sent to the Targeted Parent:


“It’s so hard for [Child] to deal with your absence. They cry all the time because you’re not around.”


Projecting Guilt Onto the Child:


• The alienating parent tells the child: “Your mom/dad said they can’t handle the stress of being around you. That’s why they stay away.”


Child’s Reaction: The child feels ashamed, believing they are the reason for the strained relationship.


Key Patterns in These Manipulations


Exploiting Vulnerability:


• Alienators use the child’s emotional sensitivity to sow doubt about the targeted parent’s love and intentions.


Rewriting the Narrative:


• Even neutral or positive responses from the targeted parent are twisted to appear dismissive or unloving.


Using Texts as “Evidence”:


• Alienators leverage written communication to create a false narrative that they can easily show the child.


Fostering Dependency:


• By painting the targeted parent as uncaring, the alienating parent positions themselves as the child’s sole source of love and support.


How to Address This Manipulation


1. Communicate Directly with the Child:


• Bypass the alienating parent’s interference by maintaining direct and positive communication with your child.


2. Document Interactions:


• Save all texts, emails, and other correspondence to protect yourself and provide evidence if necessary.


3. Seek Professional Help:


• Engage with neutral professionals, like a therapist or family counselor, to help your child process their feelings and uncover the truth.


4. Avoid Emotional Reactions:


• Stay calm and composed in your responses, as emotional replies can be twisted against you.


5. Reinforce Love and Support:


• Regularly express your love and pride for your child to counteract negative narratives.


Key Takeaways


This tactic is particularly harmful because it exploits the child’s trust in their parent and their desire to feel loved. Recognizing these manipulations and addressing them calmly and proactively is critical to protecting your relationship with your child.


Disclaimer: This information is for educational purposes only and should not be considered legal advice. For assistance, consult a qualified attorney or mental health professional.

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Parental Alienation, Custodial Interference, Trauma Bonding, Narcissistic Parents, Child Abuse, Domestic Violence by Proxy

This website is for information purposes only, it is not meant to treat, diagnose, or provide legal advice. Some info generated with help of AI

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